we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
