You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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