Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize