We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
