the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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