Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
