Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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