The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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