I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
