I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
