have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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