Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
