oh god the rape fog is back!
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
