The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize