I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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