Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
