I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hello my rib-scented angel!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize