Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
