i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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