I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
