I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
