She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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