guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
