i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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