Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
