I accidentally had phone sex last night
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
