I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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