Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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