i just wanna soil my oats bro
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
