i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
