he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
