if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
