something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She needs sedatives and a leash
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
