he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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