do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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