I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
