I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
