it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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