We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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