i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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