Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
