Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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