dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
