hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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