she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Randomize
