I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
