i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
