how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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