I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize