Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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