Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
