Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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