I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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