Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
