Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
