Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Porn is love you can see.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize