Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
