ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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