people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
