I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
