I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
