My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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