Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
