So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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