I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
