Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Houston, we have a blender
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
