Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
