You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
